It isn't often that I take the time to actually blog anymore. I post a lot, but I am usually just plugged in helping spread the news for others. Well, today I feel I would like to rant a little bit. So, here it is. I have refused to be a "leader." I set up resources and help wherever and whenever I can, but when it comes to being "in charge" the closest I come is deleting spammers and trolls from forums. Offline, I may plug into a community and help, and I may spread the word and promote a cause, but I don't LEAD anything.
There was a time in my past when I let ego take over. I was going to, single-handedly, build up a community and project that would save the world. I felt like I would save everyone, and create something that would work. It would give my life a purpose. It would all be MY WAY. Like-minded people would plug in and help and together we would build something great. I was much younger then. Well, several times big things got close to happening, but they always fell apart. Even when it wasn't just "me".... when I had a large enough group we formed a "council" to "lead" the project. It still fell apart.
I have spent years traveling around watching and working and learning. I have been a part of and I AM a part of many things. Off-grid things. Green things. Saving animal things. I have learned from experience that causes that have leaders, priests, presidents, bosses and ruling councils of high-holy elders FAIL. One of the biggest reasons for this brings me indirectly to my SECOND point...
I am not a follower. I do not "follow." I don't take orders. No-one is in charge of me except ME. I learned long ago, that my way works for me. It may make other people miserable if they try to follow my way, and so I do not lead or force my way upon anyone ever. I will speak up. I will voice my own opinion when I feel it might help or when I know I need to. I will share my knowledge and ideas with others in a COUNSEL situation. I will make suggestions if I think it will help. However, when a high-holy steps up and says: "This is MY project and this is how I am going to run it." I walk away. When someone on an ego trip starts barking orders I walk away.
If a "leader" puts my family in danger with irresponsible actions I will do whatever I can to stop them. I will take charge of a situation if I am asked to do so, and if I know I am able to help by doing so. However, I am not a leader and the idea of being a leader sickens me. (See Douglas Adams "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe"... I agree with Zaphod. If the drunk guy with no opinion about anything, and his cat named The Lord that he is kind to, in the comfortable little shack he happily never leaves is in charge of the whole Universe, then I feel the universe is in pretty good hands.)
I am not a leader OR a follower. Leaders need followers. However, 99% of the followers out there are looking constantly for better leaders. Followers can be distracted away from leaders by prettier and shinier things. Followers are seldom content and most leaders are so holy within themselves and so self-righteous that when things don't work out they blame the followers and they martyr themselves in their own self-pity. Leaders build pyramids that are destined to crumble.
And now to my point: Who am I if I'm not a leader or a follower?
I like to think I'm like Johnny Appleseed. I am an independent individual. I plant seeds that I hope will grow into communities and that I hope will help people and this Planet and all her creatures. I truly feel now that I could START a community that will last, with the help of my friends and family.... and I am not saying I won't see it through. However, I will not LEAD it. I will also refuse to follow. If someone tries to take over and impose their will upon everyone else I will resist with the resistors and help re-build somewhere else if that's what it comes to....
So that is where I am today. I was helping out with a project that seemed like it was community-oriented. Today I was told by the "leader" that this is all HERS and no-one is allowed to do ANYTHING unless it is cleared through HER.
So now I will try to plant seeds somewhere else. I am still working towards that off-grid community project DREAM so many of us share. However, I just found out that where I am and the person in charge is on a collision course with a reality I learned myself long ago. You may plant a seed, and water it and tend it and protect it... But YOU CAN'T OWN A TREE. In reality the tree belongs to the TREE. You can do all kinds of things to try to make that tree grow the way you want it to, you can be a part of that tree's life. You can help it and prune it and feed it and watch it flourish. However, if you try too hard to control a tree, and try to make it grow YOUR way instead of the way it WANTS to grow, it will eventually stop growing and die.
It's the same way with any community or non-profit organization. An organization isn't an organization, and a community isn't a community if there is one group of leaders or a single leader who controls everything. If there's a single leader or group of leaders controlling everyone else then it is a dictatorship or it's a CULT. Either way it's doomed to fall apart. Especially when the "followers" eventually wake up and refuse to follow and refuse to become leaders themselves. Then they all, together as a group, plant seeds and build something beautiful.
All leaders are destined to be ex-leaders and all self-proclaimed saviors are destined to be martyrs and that's how it all works as far as I can see.
~Ash~
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